Welcome back fantasy football degenerates. I apologize for the delay, but when the late Monday Night Football game features your team in a close game, my commissioner duties of writing the weekly recap get postponed. Luckily in real football, the Gostkowski missed field goals didn't cost the Titans the game, and luckily in fake football, I played against Tommy.
Skyler vs Tommy: In the lowest scoring and most boring game of the week aka the battle of ineptitude, Skyler beat Tommy by 17 points, and Skyler only scored 100.7 points this week. Tommy was let down by Bell, who got hurt, Thomas who got hurt, and the Vikings DST who got -8 points. Quick side note, but -8 is the absolute lowest a DST can score you. That only happens if they allow the top tier of yards and points, and don't record any sacks or turnovers. We should probably change the scoring on that, but when you allow over 500 yards and 40 points, you definitely deserve to be punished -- maybe just not -8 points of punishment. Skyler only had one person (Chris Carson) score over 20 points this week, but it was enough to snatch a victory.
Chad vs Brady: This was Chad's first game in a year and a half, and he wasted no time letting his old division know he was back. In the biggest blowout of the week, Chad beat Brady by 30 points. Both started out hot on Thursday night, where each team started 1 player who scored right around 20 points, but the good times only rolled after that for Chad. Chad had four players who scored 20 or more points, and Brady only had one -- which proved to be the difference this week. Brady was let down by Kittle who got injured in the first half and played hobbled the rest of the game. Interestingly enough, Brady was one of two teams in the league who didn't have an LVP (LVP is 5 points or fewer), and both of those teams still somehow lost.
Matt vs Rob: This was the weekly nailbiter as it was the closest margin of victory, and it was also the weekly bonanza as it had the highest combined score. However, the game was decided by the end of Sunday night. Rob only had his kicker left (we weren't even sure if Rob would play a kicker), and Matt needed a miracle from Cooper and Elliot to get back into the game. They combined for 45 points, but it left Matt's team 3 points shy of catching Rob, and guaranteed Rob the victory. Rob picked up a kicker anyway, and only got 2 points out of him, so Rob ended up winning by just a shade under 5 points. What really hurts for Matt is he was the second-highest scorer of the week and still lost, but more on that later. Rob had a lot of solid players (15+ points), and a strong contender for the MVP of the week, but we'll save that for the awards section.
Brandon vs Trevor: With the offseason acquisition of Chad coming back to the league, this was Brandon's first game in a new division. He showed his new division his hospitality by beating Trevor in the second-biggest blowout and scored the 4th highest point total in the league -- and was only the 3rd highest scorer in his division. Brandon let Russ cook and was rewarded handsomely for it. There may be an internal investigation into the ethics of Brandon have Russell Wilson on the team. There are allegations made that Brandon has played pick up ball at a church with a member of Pete Carroll's immediate family, and may have used that connection for his own gain. We will reach out to Brandon for a comment once this slander breaking news is released.
TJ vs Jordan: This week has the distinction of being the Monday Night Miracle, and spoiler alert, it has TJ losing -- again. I don't know anyone who hates Monday Night Football more than TJ. TJ was down by about 10 points at the start of the Steelers game (the first of the MNF doubleheader), and relied on their defense to give him a narrow lead. He then had to sweat out the Titans Kicker and DST to see if he could keep the lead. Fortunately for Jordan, those two players did just enough to give him the 6 point win. This was the nail-biter of the night, but not of the week. If it is any consolation to TJ (it won't be), for sites that do negative points for kickers, it seems to be -1 for each missed kick. That would have given Jordan's kicker a score of 0 (instead of 4), but Jordan still would have won. It just would have been by 1.5 points. Jordan was helped to the victory by the Dynamic Duo of Lamar Jackson and Josh Jacobs. If that sounds familiar, it's because Jordan often rode Lamar Jackson to victory last year, but the other half of the duo was usually Mark Ingram. Aren't we all glad that Jordan found a new RB to pair with his QB? TJ is the other person (in addition to Brady) to not have an LVP, and yet they somehow both lost -- fantasy football can be cruel.
Tyler vs Kyle: In normal weeks this game would have likely been the nail-biter of the week and the bonanza has the game was decided by 10 points, and they combined for a score of 286. Unfortunately for them, there were some other games with slightly bigger fireworks and tighter margins. I'm sure they are just so sad as they don't win any fake awards on this blog post that is read by less than 15 people. I don't want to spoil too much of the unluckiest team write up below, so I'll just say that Kyle was led to victory by three guys (Ryan, CMC, Thielen) who scored at least 20 points, and one of those three (Thielen) actually got up to 30 points.
Award Season
Mario Kart has been abandoned by the league, so the new awards that get a shout out will be the eliminator challenge and the pick 'em challenge
Eliminator: A lot of upsets this week, so the only people still alive are TJ, Trevor, Tommy, and Rob.
Pick 'em: Tommy had the best week 1 and sits at 11 points. I will update the weekly winner and the season leader as we go along, but since it's only week one, Tommy is both of those things.
Highest Scorer of the Week: Rob, the defending champion, is your highest scorer of the week. Yay for him /s.
Lowest Scorer of the Week: Tommy wins this dubious award. Let's hope the first waiver pick, the Eliminator and Pick'em shout outs help ease his pain.
Luckiest Team of the Week: Skyler, and it wasn't even close. He was the second-lowest scoring team of the week, and he still somehow won.
Unluckiest Team of the Week: Tyler had three people who scored 20+ points, and two of those three even scored 30+. He had the highest top 3 scorers of anyone in the league. His top 3 combined for just over 90 points and Jordan's (next best top 3 of the league) barely cracked 80. He was a top 6 scorer of the week, and still got a loss. And after all of that, he isn't even going to win the Unluckiest Team of the Week. Instead, that award will go to Matt, who was the second-highest scorer of week, and he still lost.
MVP of the Week: Rob beat the second highest scoring team by less than 5 points. His stud WR Davante Adams got him the win, and Davante will win the MVP of the week. Davante, if you see this, congrats to you -- I'm sure this is the highest honor of your life.
LVP of the Week: I used to do LVP's of the week and list everyone who started that got less than 5 points, but that was too time-consuming for not a lot of reward. This season, I'll award the LVP to one singular person. It will be a combination of their score, their expectations, and if their fantasy team lost, and not just the lowest scoring starter. I will also try not to include injuries. On that note, the LVP will actually go to the Vikings for scoring -8, and they actually were the lowest scoring player of the week. The average score of the other 11 starting defenses this week was 9.27 points. Had Tommy had a league-average defense, he would have won week 1. Other contenders were Mike Evans, and someone from Matt or TJ's team. Matt and TJ's team didn't have a person who clearly underperformed that you were expecting a much bigger game from, and Mike Evans was hurt for Tyler.
Game Previews
Skyler (6) vs Chad (4): Skyler has one player on Thursday night and one player in primetime. Chad has no players on Thursday night and no players in primetime.
Tommy (12) vs Brady (11): Tommy has no players on Thursday night and two players in primetime. Brady has one player on Thursday night and no players in primetime. Based on seedings, this is the early front runner for the battle of ineptitude
Brandon (3) vs Matt (7): Brandon has no players on Thursday night and two players in primetime. Matt has no players on Thursday night and two players in primetime. The seedings might not show it, but this is 2 of the top 4 teams and is the early front runner for the weekly bonanza
Rob (1) vs Trevor (10): Rob has no players on Thursday night and two players in primetime. Trevor has no players on Thursday night and no players in primetime.
Tyler (8) vs TJ (9): Tyler has one player on Thursday night and one player in primetime. TJ has one player on Thursday night and two players in primetime.
Jordan (5) vs Kyle (2): Jordan has one player on Thursday night and two players in primetime. Kyle has one player on Thursday night and one player in primetime. Given the seedings, this is another contender for weekly bonanza. Also, with 3 players playing on Monday night, there is a good chance of this being a Monday Night Miracle and/or the weekly nail-biter.
Division Smack Talk
This won't be a regularly occurring segment, but I wanted to mention that the North Division is basically the SEC -- lots of championship pedigree and tough defense with low scoring games. The South Division is the Big 12 -- lots of scoring, no defense, and probably not for real when it comes to championships contenders. The West Division is the Big 10 -- somewhere in the middle of the SEC and Big 12, and they have that one team that everyone loves to hate (The Ohio St. University).
I'm so happy that fantasy football is back -- it just makes life so much better. Good luck to everyone this week, except for Chad.
No comments:
Post a Comment