It was October 13, 2021 when the blog either hit its highest high or lowest low (depending on how you feel about ‘whose line is it anyway’ and the irish drinking song game), but today, on the recap of week 1, I will work to outdo it. It’s the tune of Beauty and the Beast -- and just in case you need a reminder on the tune (or want to watch Emma Watson), here is a link https://www.youtube.com/watch?
Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even flopped
Then somebodies dropped
Very expectedly
Just a little change
Games not close to done
His team has started bad
The rest of the league is mad
Rob tanked week one
Ever just the same
Always a big pain
Ever as before
And ever just as sure
As the commissioner will complain
Oh
Oh
Mmm, oh-oh-oh
Ever just the same
Always a big pain
Ever as before
And ever just as sure
As the commissioner will complain
Oh, oh, oh
Tale as old as time (ooh-ooh)
Tune as old as song
This move does reek
Giving Matt an early bye week
Learning your draft went wrong
Certain as the West
Certain as the West
Being the worst division
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Rob tanked week one
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Rob tanked week one
Oh, oh, oh
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh
Rob tanked week one
Weird Al and Lin Manuel Miranda ain’t got nothing on me.
Anyway, now that all of that stuff is out of my system, here is the stuff you came here for:
Game Recaps
Skyler vs Tommy: This game started out close, Skyler separated for a little while, and then tommy brought it back to an uncomfortable level before Skyler’s kicker scored enough to help him and hurt Tommy’s DST. Skyler had Justin Jefferson and Michael Pittman in the 20+ point bunch, while Tommy only had CMC as a 20+ point individual. Tommy could have had Pittman, but Skyler sniped him one pick before. The big kicker this game was that Skyler had 7/9 in the double digit club, while Tommy only had 3/9.
Scott vs Brady: Scott has had a rude awakening to the league with Kupp going on IR before the season started, Dobbins going on IR mid-game, Andrews being a Sunday morning inactive, and Higgins getting 0 points because why not? He had a 20+ point team as the whole Jets DST had a good game. Brady only had one person in the 20+ point club with Bijan squeaking in. He also had 6 people in the double digit group while Scott had 5. The biggest issue was Scott only getting 3 points combined from Lockett, Andrews, and Higgins. Even if he had subbed in his 3 highest scorers, he wouldn’t have been able to beat Brady this week. It’s not much consolation, but at least he doesn’t have to beat himself up for sitting the wrong guys. Brady led wire to wire as he had Monty and Butker on Thursday night and maintained such a large lead that the 20+ points from the Jets was never a concern.
Matt vs Rob: Speaking of sitting guys, welcome to the battle of ineptitude. These guys combined for less points than the High Scorer of the Week got (TJ). Matt had Mahomes and ETN in the 20+ point house. Rob had no one in the 20+ point assembly, but (Rob and Chief staple) Travis Kelce was inactive, and would have likely gone past the 20 point threshold had he played.
Brandon vs Trevor: This was probably the best game of the week from a scoreboard standpoint – they had the second closest scoring margin, and the second highest score. However, it was only that close because Diggs had a really good game on Monday night, but he was never going to put up enough points to help Brandon Catch Trevor. Joining Diggs in the 20+ point superfriends was Kirk Cousins. Trevor only had two people in the 20+ point squad with Tua and Ridley – though Tua also scored 30+. Trevor had 6/9 in the double digit range, while Brandon had 5/9, so that was close as well. Unfortunately Brandon got 0 help from his TE, because he scored a 0. Just to add more fuel to Trevor’s flame right now, he got the second highest score of the week, while Barkley was his 3rd lowest scorer and didn’t crack double digits, and his bench would have beat Rob’s starters by 20 points. I’m not saying he finally gets his name on the trophy, I’m just saying…
TJ vs Jordan: Before I say too much more about the last matchup, I should probably pump the breaks to make sure I call out TJ as the highest scorer of the week, and basically dragged Jordan into the Bonanza all by himself. TJ accounted for the majority of the 250+ points they scored this week. Despite this being the bonanza, it was also the biggest blow out of the week as TJ won by 38+ points. With a score that high, you would have probably expected more than just 3 people in the 20+ point ring, but TJ had a fairly normal team and week, with only the Cowboys at 43 points being the massive outlier. I can’t find how they did last year because the nfl.com website is garbage, but whatever. Jordan had little to write home about as his TE and K combined for 1.4 points, and only Tony Pollard joined the 20+ point order from his team.
Tyler vs Kyle: This was the nail biter of the week on paper given that it was the closest score. It certainly didn’t help that Rodgers got hurt with Tyler needing only a few points from G Wilson, and he became dependent on Z Wilson to throw the ball. In the end, Tyler and the Jets were saved by an incredible touchdown catch. This game was back and forth all Sunday, so it was fitting that Tyler got his Monday Night Miracle and came back from behind to get the narrow win. Tyler was led to victory by Deshaun “Allegedly a serial predator” Watson, and Aaron Jones, who were his members of the 20+ point band. Kyle didn’t technically have anyone score 20+ points, due to Tyreek scoring 44+ and the rest of his team scoring below 17. He was the most fun person to watch on Sunday.
Award Season
MVP: The Cowboys DST were the highest scoring player on the highest scoring game, so they'll get the award. Runner up is Garrett Wilson for getting Tyler across the finish line late last night.
LVP: Joe Burrow only scored 3 points in a game where Kyle lost by 13. If he scores 20, which is pretty normal, Kyle get's the week 1 win.
Unluckiest Team of the Week: Brandon was the 5th highest scorer, but ended up losing.
Luckiest Team of the Week: Defending league champ Matt gets the lucky win. He was the 10th highest scorer, but managed to get a win that I'm sure won't affect the standings at the end of the year.
Highest Scorer of the Week: Big Defense TJ put up 144.84 points this week to get the shout out.
Lowest Scorer of the Week: Rob's team scored under 55 points and was the worst team of the week. His starters would have lost to half of the benches (including his own) this week.
King of the Court: I stopped tracking this after a while last year, but it turns out Jordan had it most of the year, but then Matt took it from him in the championship. Matt kept it this week despite his best efforts at losing.
Golf Week Review
As you can see from the scorecard, Matt and Skyler tied for the week at 71. Green highlights mean you were the winner that day. Yellow means you didn't play that day, so I took the worst real score and gave you one additional stroke.
meh
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