Sunday, December 11, 2016

First Round Down

You all suck.  I hate you.

I suppose I should write a real blog post.

This week's games became blowouts pretty quickly.  Sadly for TJ, Kyle's team was terrible, except for Le'Veon Bell.  I'm pretty sure the next time Bell gets high and gets in trouble, Kyle will be legally obligated to pay his fines and bail him out of jail.  The least Kyle could do is buy a Bell jersey

Not be lost in the Bell Bonanza, is the fact that Jordan has finally beat me.  In fairness, we never play each other in the regular season, so there haven't been many opportunities -- this was only the 4th time we played.  All good runs come to an end, and Jordan ended my run.  Actually, he lit me on fire, stomped me out, and then for good measure, spit on the ashes.  I suppose that's what happens when you bet big on the Bucs in the playoffs.

The news of the week is the glorious smack talk between me and Chad.  It was a pity you did not get to behold it.  Jordan can bear witness to the greatness of it all, though.  Some of it may not be suitable for a public audience so I won't post it here.  I did cross a line, and I'm not proud of it.  To insult Chad, I also had to insult BYU and praise Utah.  I apologize to anyone I may have hurt or offended in that ordeal.  It was wrong, and I should never have done it.  The worst part is I don't even get to play Chad next week.

Speaking of next week, it will be Chad against Jordan and Matt against Kyle.  If Jordan and Kyle win, it will be a West Division battle.  On the Chad/Jordan battle, I think Chad has the better team (evidenced by the records) but I think Jordan has the good schedule to pull off the upset -- especially if Julio ends up being healthy.  Though David Johnson could have a Le'Veon Bell type game against the Saints next week.

Matt and Kyle's game should be entertaining as well.  Matt is very heavy on the Cowboys and the Chargers.  The Cowboys will likely be playing angry next week, and against a Bucs team that isn't great.  The Chargers WR could get a lot of targets because they will probably be down to the Raiders, which would help Matt out.  However, I think Kyle will win.  Brees can't have 3 crappy games in a row, can he? After two games with no touchdowns, I imagine Brees will bounce back next week.  Le'Veon will probably be solid again, and Gurley will likely come back down to earth.  He is playing the Seahawks on Thursday night.

My order of who I want to see win the league in reverse order:
5) Kyle -- He is already on the trophy once, I don't want to see a repeat winner.

4) Jordan -- Also already on the trophy once, I don't want to see a repeat winner.  However, I would pick him over Kyle because he only half won his title.  Which leads us to --

3) Matt -- Didn't officially win the league, but he got Jordan his title, so he would kind of be like a repeat winner.  It's like he won somewhere between .25-.33 of a title.

2) Chad -- He is my rival, and I hate him, but he has never won, and he is in the North Division.  I want the trophy to stay in the North.  Plus it's sad that he has never won.  Like ever.  As in he has been to the championship twice and lost both times.  Once to Tyler, who no one respects as a fantasy owner (that's right Hukill insults are allowed too) by less than 5 points after Tyler already threw in the towel and thought he lost.  And Chad also lost to Konner.  The kid we put in the league to have 12 players.  Who started Andy Dalton in the championship.  The only person ever in the league Chad might be taller than.  Chad has lost 3 times in the playoffs to Aitkens.  That must suck.  Owned so much, by one family.  Also, Chad took last place in 2011.  So this would be a great comeback story.  After being a cellar dweller and then finally winning the championship, after your biggest playoff rival was taken out by someone else.  Such an inspiration, like and oscar winning story. I feel like in the movie of our league, I would be played by Matthew McConaughhey, and Chad would be played by Danny DeVito.  Also, I'm open to more suggestions of who plays who in the league movie. I have a few ideas, but whatever.

1) The Asteroid -- An asteroid comes to earth (hits Chad first by the way) and then wipes out all of humanity so no one else wins our league.

Well, that does it for tonight.  So to come full circle, you all suck, and I hate all of you.  I'm going to go wipe my tears and hold on to my fantasy championship rings as I try to sleep tonight.

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