The Value of Relationships: A Small Tribute to Pule

I have a slight confession to make: I didn't want to start blogging because of class, or because I wanted you to know something about my wedding. Granted, I had to start blogging because of my class, and my wedding was a good place to start, but what I've really wanted to write about has been on my mind the last 2 or 3 weeks now.

A few weeks ago we went down to St. George. If I remember right, it was for two of my long time friends wedding. Ren and Tia and Glenn and Camille. I've known Glenn since I was 5ish and Ren, since...whatever elementary grade we were on the same flag football team. Now normally, I'm not one to travel or spend money unless it's something serious, like Disneyland, my honeymoon, or Fantasy Football (yes, i capitalized both words out of respect). But I have a strong belief that people are the most important thing on this planet, and supporting them is something you should do as a friend.

Now you're probably saying, "Well yes, I feel the same way", but do you really? I know I don't always, and I can give you plenty of examples i.e. : writing my brother consistently, or worrying about my checklist of what i need to do today over my wife. Granted, I do have some good stories to my name, like switching my work schedule last minute, waking up at 4:30 am and driving for 5 hours to go to Tyler and Shalyse's wedding right before finals week. And I've been to a fair share of other celebratory events (generally, there is food, so I'm not totally saint like...although latter-day saints are suckers for food, so maybe I am saint like) such as weddings, farewells and homecomings. And I can also give examples of when I felt slighted by others, but that's not the point.

What I'm getting at is the weekend I was down for the weddings when something else came up. My dad had recently returned from a business trip and was on his way to go visit Pule Misa in the hospital. Now, for some background on Pule, he was in my home ward before my mission, we both worked at the same place, and he was an assistant coach (and later on head coach) for the volleyball team. He was one of the nicest guys and would always make you laugh. He would drive 14 hours one way just to watch his daughters play volleyball and then turn around and drive it back. He'd even take the time to talk to you right before or after the volleyball games he was coaching. If my memory serves me right, he had moved out of my ward before my mission, but still came to my farewell talk and even gave me a lei. So like I said, a nice guy and a giver.

Now the reason my dad was headed to the hospital is because Pule was diagnosed with cancer a month or two earlier, and it was stage 4. I didn't know this before, but stage 4 is some bad stuff. He had been in the hospital for a little while, and was getting better, but had taken a turn for the worse and was sent to ICU during my dad's trip. My dad went and saw him most days before his trip to Maine, and made sure to go visit as soon as he could. He even brought Pule's family some fresh lobster. On a side note, I may not always get along with my dad, and because it's my blog, I wont blame me for it, but let's be honest, we know whose to blame, but he is always doing things for others. Maybe it was because he got in the habit while being a bishop, or maybe that's why he was called as a bishop, but my dad is quite the giver. And so, as he was going to make his trip, he invited me to come along. I didn't have a check list to get in my way, and I hadn't seen Pule in months, so I said yes.

When I got there, I nearly started crying. If you didn't know Pule, you need to know he was one big tough guy. He would do a job at work by himself that would take 4-5 of us to do. Not to mention we'd all complain, and yet I think he enjoyed it. But when I showed up, he was reduced to a shell of his former strength. In all honesty, he still could have beat me in arm wrestling, but he had deteriorated significantly. I don't know if it was the medication, or being fed via a tube that did it to him, but it was hard to see. And yet, when we walked in, he smiled. When I asked how he was (in retrospect, it was a dumb question) he gave me a thumbs up. Honestly, if I were in his position, I would have started complaining, or at least making jokes to avoid the reality of the situation. We talked to him for a little while and as we left I told him to feel better....and he gave me another thumbs up, and I almost started crying again. I guess it would be worth noting that he could barely move, and couldn't speak, so giving me a thumbs up was a lot. As we left, we stopped and talked to his wife and then went back to my parents house. And then that Sunday, we came home.

Next Monday morning, I did some pre-work facebook stalking, like I normally do, and I found out Pule had passed early that morning. I was sad at the news, but also extremely glad that I visited him the Saturday before. But I wonder, if I had a to-do list that day, would I have gone? Would I have given a few minutes of my day for that man who gave so much to others? Quite frankly, I don't want to know the answer, but I am grateful that I had the time and that I went and saw him. As soon as I found out, I had made it up in my mind that I would go to the funeral. So that next Sunday, my cousin and I drove down, went to the funeral Monday morning, and then drove back home. Financially, it didn't make sense, I didn't go for vacation purposes or do anything entertaining, and I was barely there long enough to spend time with my family. But I was there, and the trip was more than worth it. Unfortunately, we missed the viewing, but it was still a beautiful funeral. I know he would have done the same for me, so I figured it was the least I could do for him.

And as I left, I wondered "Are we as people so busy with "things" that we don't have time for people?" If so, shame on us. I know we need to work, and go to school, and be productive, but are we so bad that we can't even take 10 minutes of time to write missionaries that we wont see for 2 years, or catch up with an old friend because we have to go do some chores at home? Hopefully we can figure out how to have good relationships now, because that's all that we'll have with us in the next world, and if we can't learn to value people here, when will we ever?

So this blog post is more about me reflecting on life, on how I treat others, and the example of Pule. Thank you Pule for being such a good person and example. This isn't much of a tribute, but I hope it conveys my appreciation for him and the value he put on his relationships with people.